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March 1, 2012

Last night I was a guest on the Apropos of Nothing podcast. We talked about my jail times and sophisticated things like animal diarrhea. Towards the end of the podcast Jena read the spam comment of the week. Every week they take one of the spam comments on the website and read it out loud for the listeners. That got me to thinking what kind of spam does this site get? The search engine hits alone are pretty messed up so let’s look at what we have for spam.

Comment from Craigslist Job Postings: The Legend Continues

Submitted on 2012/02/28 at 7:06 pm
Can I simply just say what a comfort to discover an individual who actually knows what they are talking about on the internet. You actually realize how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More and more people ought to look at this and understand this side of your story. I was surprised you are not more popular given that you surely possess the gift.

I’m actually a little scared at the thought of the spambots knowing that I’m a compliment whore.

From The Drunk Heckler: A One Act Play Written by me When I Was a Kinda Douchey 22 Year Old

Currently being the Father in the Brie can b pd ank r ial a h daughter prepares for her assive day.

Tell me about it, I remember how pd ank I was on my daughter’s assive day as I stood waist deep in soft cheese. This might not have been spam.

From So I Went to Jail Last Night: Bonus Track

What do you think of 115 thinkgs about women:

1. Maternity Leave- 6 months paid vacation and all you do is have a baby.
2. We got off the Titanic first
3. We are better dancers
4. Taxis stop for us first
5. We can pretend to be pregnant and get lots of attention on buses
6. We don’t go bald after our 26th birthdays
7. We can cry and get out of stressful situations. Like a speeding ticket. Heck, crying gets you out of anything.
8. We can flirt our way out of a speeding ticket. Heck, you can flirt your way out of anything.
9. We live longer than men
10. We smell better
11. Phone conversations are better than a soap opera
12. Ladies Night.
13. We don’t have to open our own jars.
14. We don’t have to kill our own food.
15. We get put up on a pedistal
16. We rarely have to carry our own suitcases.
17. We know stuff about everyone.
18. Short skirts will always cure unemployment
19. You’re 5 times less likely to kill yourself
20. You never get a draft card.
21. It’s easier to get a credit card.
22. You rule the bathroom
23. It’s ok for you to marry for money.
24. Long nails make great weapons.

They actually have 115 things listed but I’ll just end it there for sake of brevity. Also, when did Dave Barry start writing spam emails?

Feel free to post an original spam comment in the comments section below! Winner gets my credit card number! Nigerian princes are ineligible for the contest. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, holy shit my credit is ruined.

Why is junk email called Spam, anyway? Rather than search it out I'll just go ahead and assume it originated on 4chan like every meme ever.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Albatross permalink
    March 1, 2012 1:48 pm

    Of course you know it’s called spam because of the old Monty Python “Spam Eggs Sausage and Spam” sketch

    • Albatross permalink
      March 1, 2012 1:49 pm

      And the meme predates 4chan by a decade or two.

  2. March 2, 2012 12:35 pm

    This one is so close to coherent. From Podcast of Comedy:

    Very funny great job keep posting movie stand up like Eril Allen with his quail y or just more of Erik Allen himself.
    From Ric The Real Stooge
    Host of This Week In Bullshit (formerly of Sydney’s 88.5fm 2rrr radio station) and Back To The Facts weekly movie trivia and fun facts podcast you can find them both here:

  3. March 7, 2012 8:40 pm

    Whenever I Can Have To Eat The Only Spam In A Can You Can Rest Assured Knowing I Will Be Eternally Grateful, O Wise Grasshopper.

    • Bill permalink
      March 7, 2012 10:29 pm

      …wha? Am I getting spam comments on my post about spam comments? Huh.

  4. May 29, 2012 5:06 am

    Re: The person who produced the comment that this was an excellent internet site actually needs to have their head looked at.

    • Bill permalink
      May 29, 2012 9:53 am

      Hey, this IS an excellent internet site. I think you need to have YOUR head looked at! By a doctor!

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