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Finally! A Reason to Huff Bras!

January 9, 2012

It’s gettin’ all hot up in this hot zone.

Jena showed me this link the other day to a story of a new bra for sale that doubles as a gas mask. The mask was developed by Dr. Elena Bodnar who studied the Chernobyl disaster and found that “”if people had had cheap, readily available gas masks in the first hours after the disaster … they may have avoided breathing in Iodine-131, which causes radiation sickness.” She also envisions it being useful in terrorist attacks. “You have to be prepared all the time, at any place, at any moment, and practically every woman wears a bra,” – via the article via salon via Fox News (making this a fourth hand news article!).

I love the frilly lace. Just because you're being attacked by terrorists doesn't mean you can't feel sexy.

You can see more photos on the Emergency Bra’s website. There’s a whole slideshow of chicks wearing the bra and happy couples with it on their faces as they run around a beach that I guess is right next to a nuclear power plant or something.

While this is certainly a neat little innovation and I’m all for scientist turning the world into a weird James Bond porno spoof there’s a few problems with the emergency bra.

*The smallest bra size is 32B. Sorry, tiny tits but you’ll either have to carry around a gas mask all the time like some German club kid or die of radiation poisoning.

*Single guys are doomed. Sure, there’s two cups so in case of poison gas you can give one of your masks to your significant other

Actual shirt sold on the website. Way to rub it in, guy who's going to live because he has a girlfriend.

but what about single guys? If somebody has a hard enough time asking a girl on a date he might have some trouble asking to suck on her bra cup.

*Fratboy biological warfare. In the event of a bio attack, women can use their emergency bras to cover their faces and save them from deadly particles. This means they have to take their bra off. Sure, you can take a bra off with a shirt on but that takes a little longer and if your life is on the line you’re just going to rip that shirt off and now your boobs are out there for all to see. It’s only a matter of time before some frat throws an emergency bra party because somebody in the house’s dad works for Halliburton and can get his hands on some gas. The trend will catch on pretty soon and you won’t even be able to get a girl to lift her shirt up in Mardi Gras unless you have an envelope full of anthrax.

Thanks, Emergency Bra. Now I’ve got a box full of beads just collecting dust and Joe Francis is now stockpiling weapons of mass destruction.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 9, 2012 11:45 am

    Also available in a jock strap for single guys. Unfortunately the smallest size is for 3-inchers, so you’re still outta luck.

  2. January 9, 2012 11:55 am

    The apocalypse is now sexy.

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