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You Weirdos Will Never Stop Typing Crazy Shit Into Search Engines.

December 2, 2011

Welcome back to the third installment of the seemingly ongoing series “The Things You Weridos Type Into Search Engines” where I take a look at the google searches that bring people to this blog. It’s one of my favorites to write and everytime I think something like “shitting while standing bad for health”can’t be topped, the next day I get “an evil sea creature for kids shark”. Let’s see what we got just in the last 30 days.


young and naive, gay and canadian
Searching for sex or the latest Bryan Adams album? Boom! Take that, Bryan Adams!


are most female gym teachers lesbians
I’m glad this person wasn’t so prejudiced that they’d ask google if ALL female gym teachers are lesbians, just most.


men playing with their uncircumcised penis
The whole uncircumcised penis thing has been a recurring theme since I did a blog about Foreskin Man but this exact wording got three hits in a week! I actually googled it, thinking the blog would show up on the first page but I couldn’t find it in the first 20 pages. Why are so many people searching so hard for this?


I can’t stop farting and it’s affecting my job and I can’t stop farting documentary
These were two different searches on two different days. I like to think that it’s the same guy. First he got fired from his job because he farted too much and then he wanted to make a movie about it.


if you are shot in the military are you still a veteran
…what? Did some veteran think his service was invalid because he was shot in the line of duty? If you’re still reading, person who typed this, yes. You’re still a veteran. I think you even get a medal of some sort. You should probably talk to a commanding officer about that.


shower, -meteor, -meteorite, -baby, -wedding, -curtain
Rock and roll! Cola wars! I can’t take it anymore!


perverted penguin drinking beer
… I don’t… what?


I could honestly do one of these every week and not run out of material.

p.s. hey other wordpress bloggers who follow me! Leave a comment with the weirdest search engine terms you’ve found in the stats! Challenge (takes off glove, slaps you in the motherfucking face with glove)!

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. Bill permalink
    December 2, 2011 12:18 pm

    p.p.s. I know that after reading “Rock and roll! Cola wars!” you probably went back and tried to read that search engine term to the tune of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” and it didn’t quite match up. For that I apologize.

  2. Mike Lambert permalink
    December 2, 2011 1:36 pm

    I get these alot and they do make you wonder. I currently have a guest post on my blog from my son Jeffrey who is attending Drexel in Philly for a graduate degree in library science. He comments at length on the search issue and why it is so troubling.
    http://exetertowncrier.wordpress.com/2011/11/16/dispatches-from-the-front-lines/
    Best,
    Mike Lambert

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