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I Review Shark Night 3D Without Watching It.

September 6, 2011
by

This cinematic masterpiece is directed by David R. Ellis, the man who took snakes and put them on a plane when he directed Snakes On a Plane.   Once again he takes animals out of their natural habitat by taking sharks out of the ocean and putting them in a Saltwater Lake.  The sharks, ripped from their homes and families, swim around confused and alone.  Crying tears that cannot be seen because they’re underwater, the sharks appeal to some vacationing teenagers for help in reuniting with their families.

The teenagers or college kids or whatever, refuse to help the sharks due to long standing prejudice against sea creatures.  They harass them and at one point, kill the youngest of the shark clan, Chompy.

 

Torn apart by grief, the sharks vow to avenge little Chompy the only way they know how.  By eating people.  War erupts between the lake sharks and the vacationing youths, lives are claimed on both sides of the conflict and it seems like there will be no end until all are dead but suddenly, it’s revealed that Chompy’s brother, Chomper is in love with the princess of the vacationing youths.

 

With their secret love revealed, both sides realize they have a lot more in common then they think.  The fighting stops and it seems that everybody will live happily ever after until Prince Beerbong of the vacationing youths shoots Chomper in a jealous rage.

Bleeding to death, Chomper staggers to his people to implore they lay down their weapons (teeth).  He now knows, if only too late, that vengeance is not the path to seek.  As he lay dying, the princess runs to him in her shark cage to tell him she just found out she’s pregnant.  With his dying words, he christens the unborn shark-child.

 

The princess get’s out of her cage and announces to the dwellers of the lake and island that her child will usher in an age of togetherness and harmony.

 

Fin.

 

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. September 6, 2011 8:47 pm

    I think I would like this movie better than the real one. Nice review. Joe Bob says “Check it Out.”

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