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Hey, Kids! Fuck You!

July 28, 2011
by

It started with a restaurant in Pittsburgh called McDain’s.  They had recently instituted a ban on kids under 6.  Once the story hit the internet, people were either applauding or whatever the opposite of applauding is for the new ban.  It seems now that plenty of other businesses are following suit with theaters having kid free showings, restaurants having no kids hours or sections and Whole Foods having kids free hours with daycare available while parents shop.

Now, I get it. Not a day goes by where I’m at a strip club, underground kickboxing match or midnight showing of Human Centipede and some crying child throwing a tantrum ruins my good time but how about we examine the situation before we deport the kids to an island filled with plastic balls and Disney DVDs just so we can enjoy a Sunday Brunch in peace?

Kids are not the problem. Shitty kids are the problem. How about restaurants start enacting a shitty kids ban? Your kid throws a tantrum or runs around and disrupts other people’s meals and you get thrown out. I know plenty of people with well behaved toddlers that shouldn’t have to try to find a babysitter every time they want a goddamn Pannekoeken.

Restaurants could even take it a step further. I’ve seen places that have “kids eat free” days. How about “well behaved kids eat free” days? Give the kid some ice cream for not behaving like a monster in public.

By simply banning kids from places you’re ignoring the problem rather than doing something to fix it. If restaurant owners grew some stones and actually asked somebody to leave when their child is screaming at the top of their lungs for no reason there would be some accountability on the parents’ part.

Shitty kids grow into shitty adults and if we ignore the problem the next generation is going to turn into a society of Andy Dicks. Nobody wants that.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 28, 2011 12:28 pm

    There are no shitty kids, only shitty parents.

  2. Ernesto permalink
    July 29, 2011 12:16 pm

    All kids are shitty.

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