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Some People Just Aren’t Cut Out to Be Good Samaritans.

July 25, 2011

Early last evening I was giving my bike a quick ride around the block after lubing up the chain and gears.   Everything seemed to be in working order until I tried to shift once and the gear shifted four times, bringing my leg down quickly and unexpectedly.  My foot hit the ground, the bike came to a stop and I launched over the handlebars, skidding about four feet on the ground and scraping plenty of flesh on the way –

Jared saw it, walked up all zombie like, pretended to take a bite out of my arm and said "that's how you got that."


I spent about 30 seconds or more writhing on the ground screaming “FUCKING COCK FUCK COCK FUCK COCK FUCK FUUUUCCCCK” like a telegraph machine with tourettes (fuck=dash / cock=dot) when I noticed that I was right across the street from a fairly crowded Whittier park.  I sat up and noticed no fewer than 20 small children that abruptly stopped playing, staring at me and soaking in the profanity I let fly.  I struggled to my feet and said “I’m okay!” when a hispanic woman came running across the street.  I think she wanted to help.  Here’s how our conversation went.


HISPANIC LADY:  (unintelligible spanish)

ME:  Thanks, I’m okay.

HISPANIC LADY:  (more unintelligible spanish)

ME:  Yeah, I don’t really speak spanish but I’ll be okay.

HISPANIC LADY:  (even more unintelligible spanish)

ME:  Seriously, I’m okay.  I don’t know how to… I’m just going to go now.  Thanks.


Just as I turned around to leave, another older woman walked up to see if I’m okay.  She spoke english but proved no more helpful than the one who didn’t.

OLD LADY:  (examines the four foot bloody skidmark on the sidewalk and then my arm).  That’s a nasty scrape you got there.  It’s bleeding real good.

ME:  Yeah, I only live a block away so I’ll be able to get home real quick and clean this up.

OLD LADY:  That’s good.  Make sure you put something on it.

ME:  I got some alcohol at home so I’ll be fine.  I should go-

OLD LADY:  Or you could put some other stuff on there.  What’s that stuff called?

ME:  Hydrogen Peroxide?  I should really-

OLD LADY:  No, that’s not it.  What am I thinking of?

ME:  Neosporin?  Hey, I’m still bleeding so I’m going to go-

OLD LADY:  Wait, I almost got it.  It doesn’t sting like alcohol.

ME:  Bactine?  I’m going to just go home now because of the blood.  Thanks.

OLD LADY:  No, that’s not it either.


I just left after that.  About halfway down the block, I looked back and saw her still standing there, looking down with her hand on her chin, probably still trying to think of what that stuff was called.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 25, 2011 11:51 am

    Glad to hear it wasn’t worse. Two years ago I was biking on the Greenway and accelerating west, away from the Hiawatha Avenue crosswalk. Similarly to you, my chain jumped the sprocket (except I wasn’t shifting, it had simply gotten lose and i was accelerating hard). My right foot slammed down on the sidewalk.

    I fell over sideways rather than going over the handlebars, but the worst part was that I landed on my right elbow, which cracked two of my ribs.

    I also hit my head hard on the concrete… but was fortunately wearing my bike helmet. Instead of a bloody concussion to add to my injuries, it literally felt like my head landed on a pillow.

    I spent the next two weeks sleeping sitting in a recline, unable to lay all the way back or lay on either side. Took me six months to recover fully, and I still get nervous anytime I stand up on the pedals…

    Hope your recovery goes well!

  2. Kryss permalink
    July 25, 2011 8:47 pm

    Dude! That totally sucks! Why does stuff like this always happen in front a million little kids?

  3. Bill permalink
    July 25, 2011 10:09 pm

    Albatross, luckily I had a strategically placed layer of fat to protect my midsection when I fell.

    Kryss, that’s god telling those children that it’s time they became adults. Between the blood, the screaming and the profanity I’d like to think I personally caused at least one nightmare last night.


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