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The first chapter of my new novel.

May 20, 2011

It was 10AM on Thursday.  I had already been at work for two hours because my shift started at 8 and I had no reason to call in sick.  There I was working on my work when she appeared.  She walked into my office without knocking.  All blonde hair, red dress, high heels, skin, muscle, bones, tendons, ligaments and organs.  She was what you would call a woman.  She lit a cigarette and sat down in the chair in front of my desk that I bought so customers wouldn’t have to stand.  “My sister’s been kidnapped” she said pushing air past her vocal cords and moving her mouth to make words.  “I don’t know who to turn to.”

“Isn’t that a matter for the police?” I asked, knowing police usually handled problems like kidnappings.

“Ha!”  She threw her head back and laughed like I made a joke which was strange because I didn’t.  “I’m almost certain she was kidnapped by the Police Chief’s son.  I don’t have enough evidence to prove it, though.  That’s why I came to you, detective.”

There was only one problem.  I’m an accountant.

I was in the middle of telling her that I’m not a detective when she interrupted me.  The kind of interruption that cuts you off mid- “You don’t need to worry about money.  I have plenty.  I’ll pay double your normal fees.”

I forgave her for interrupting my thought because I was pretty sure she couldn’t read minds.  If she could, she would’ve scanned my mind long ago to find out I’m not a detective.  Then again, I couldn’t be sure because I was never the best with deduction.  I guess that’s one of the many reasons I never became a private investigator.  “That’s real nice, ma’am, but I-“ she interrupted me this time by kissing me.  The kind of kiss that comes when you don’t think you’re about to be kissed.  When you have no reason to be kissed.  As she kissed me I wondered if this is how she did everything.  Did she walk into the bank demanding a cheeseburger, interrupt the clerk every time when he tried to explain to her that she was in a bank and then kiss the clerk?  I almost laughed at the thought but didn’t because she was still kissing me and I didn’t want her to think I was laughing at her kiss.  She pulled her lips away, ending the kiss.  “I think there is some sort of misunderstanding” I said, knowing that there was certainly a complete misunderstanding.

Her face turned to a scowl, indicating that she was mad at me which was weird since she just kissed me.  “Well let me make this perfectly clear for you then, detective” I wanted to shout that I’m an accountant but it’s impolite to interrupt people.  Somebody should’ve told her that.  “Here’s five hundred dollars.  I’ll be at the Belmont hotel in two days checked in under the name Marge Johnson.  Meet me there with all the info you have.”  She threw the money on the desk clearly marked “Bob Anderson, C.P.A.” and ran out the door.  I followed her out to the hallway but she was already gone.  That’s when I noticed for the first time that the office across the hall was a private investigator’s office.  Maybe she walked into the wrong office.  I can never be sure.  I’m not a detective.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Bill permalink
    May 20, 2011 10:30 am

    The rest of the book is just Bob doing accountant stuff. He puts the money in a drawer in case the girl ever comes back. A week later she returns. He explains the whole mess and points her across the hall.


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